Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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