I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
