you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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