matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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