I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
