It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
