I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
