a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We are two peas in an std pod
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
