Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I want is dick and wine.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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