sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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