So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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