Do you still have your period?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
