my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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