You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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