absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
