when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
