I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
