i jhust puked up my retainher.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
