just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
