So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
