if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
