He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
