i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
