its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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