I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
