I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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