ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
