so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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