i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
