Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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