i love accidental penises.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
