fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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