Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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