just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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