So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
