I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
