If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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