Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
