Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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