I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
