So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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