I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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