I think i peed on brittanys purse
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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