Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
