I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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