I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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