i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.