hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.