I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
