it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos