I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is