8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off