I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
