So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
