Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.

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  (815): It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/1u0t
  Replies (14) Good night (2663) Bad night (994)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.

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  (817): don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do. http://tfl.nu/i2co
  Replies (20) Good night (964) Bad night (1784)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?

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  (401): This isn't the rejection hotline, is it? http://tfl.nu/jrbs
  Replies (17) Good night (714) Bad night (3529)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have a critically important question to ask.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?

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  (519): I have a critically important question to ask. (519): Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist? http://tfl.nu/val5
  Replies (43) Good night (5283) Bad night (1377)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

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  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4610) Bad night (7452)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.

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  (910): He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel. http://tfl.nu/qsvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2722) Bad night (997)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom

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  (816): apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom http://tfl.nu/n80z
  Replies (3) Good night (1057) Bad night (1612)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...

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  (402): Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways... http://tfl.nu/6fzc
  Replies (8) Good night (1993) Bad night (871)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.

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  (303): im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now. http://tfl.nu/s8i3
  Replies (27) Good night (598) Bad night (5772)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?

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  (305): Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can? http://tfl.nu/kckv
  Replies (2) Good night (1432) Bad night (594)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.

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  (817): I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening. http://tfl.nu/xhys
  Replies (6) Good night (1465) Bad night (497)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here

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  (931): I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here http://tfl.nu/mh8f
  Replies (4) Good night (2104) Bad night (494)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins

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  (304): "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins http://tfl.nu/eetx
  Replies (1) Good night (1233) Bad night (390)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  How was the party last night?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.

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  (386): How was the party last night? (918): I'm dangerously close to shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/f0x1
  Replies (3) Good night (489) Bad night (826)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"

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  (828): I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?" http://tfl.nu/m95j
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (314)

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