My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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