I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize