Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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