my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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