Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
