Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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