I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
