We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
