the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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