Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
