Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger

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  (831): you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger http://tfl.nu/xtvv
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.

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  (248): And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills. http://tfl.nu/4uyj
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.

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  (417): He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets. (417): He's like the Bob Ross of love stains. http://tfl.nu/ts5r
  Replies (14) Good night (3472) Bad night (651)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

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  (240): I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards. http://tfl.nu/evpw
  Replies (17) Good night (1260) Bad night (4620) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

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  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1928) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

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  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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  (321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

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  (270): I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in... http://tfl.nu/1w40
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  (760): View more from California

  coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (760): coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/by4p
  Replies (14) Good night (3893) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.

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  (310): so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood. http://tfl.nu/y4bu
  Replies (7) Good night (3720) Bad night (835)
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  (518): View more from New York

  ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.

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  (518): ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified. http://tfl.nu/6dxz
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  (530): View more from California

  When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.

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  (530): When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party. http://tfl.nu/3bf6
  Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (1501) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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  (314): I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments http://tfl.nu/h9el
  Replies (7) Good night (438) Bad night (1160)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...

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  (302): Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week... http://tfl.nu/cclg
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (622)

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