I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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