I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.