Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
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The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.