I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
