So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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