gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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