Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
