he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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