She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
