Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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