i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
