I wish my penis had an off switch
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
