I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
