My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
