last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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