great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
